


Be a Feather.

by whengreenmetblue



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Drama, Eating Disorders, Gay Sex, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-30
Updated: 2014-04-07
Packaged: 2017-12-13 11:40:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/823904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whengreenmetblue/pseuds/whengreenmetblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry wants to be perfect so the beatings will stop but, maybe, Louis can show him he is perfect the way he is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

155\. 155, it was quite a bad number but even worse than that, it was the same number as last week. Harry had gone to the gym and used the treadmill for an hour every day that week, he had cut out the junk food and all sodas, yet, he was still at that dreaded number. "Don't worry, harry, just keep at it," ran through his mind as he stared at the scale. It all started about three month ago when his abusive alcoholic stepfather began throwing slurs of 'too fat' 'worthless' 'faggot' at him everyday after his sister, Gemma, and his mother died in a tragic drunk driving accident. Harry was devastated, to say the least. His mom and sister had been everything to him and now all he had was his stepfather. Harry was still sad about the passing of his loved ones but with the insults and the beatings he was getting from the very cruel man, Harry couldn't find it in him to think about them too much. He stopped crying himself to sleep every night after the first month, he had grown to learn how to deal with the pain, both mental and physical. 

Harry would go to school, come home, do homework, clean house, get a beating, and cook whenever Robin found himself hungry. He had no friends. Something about him though was that he didn't want any friends. Friends were things that could be taken away from Harry after awhile and he couldn't lose anyone else, so, he didn't talk to anyone. If no one could get close to him then no one could be taken away from him. 

After two months of living along with Robin and Robin insulting him, Harry made a list. A list of all the things Robin said were wrong with him, thinking maybe if he could fix them Robin would stop hurting him and start loving him. The list read.

Things to fix.  
1\. Stupid  
2\. Fat  
3\. Ugly  
4\. Faggot

Harry taped the list to his bathroom mirror and within the first month of making the list harry had brought his "C" average to a "B" average in school. When he brought home his report card to Robin he let Harry go a whole day without a beating. Harry took this as a good sign to continue on with with fixing his flaws. Next was that he was too fat. Harry was kind of lanky to begin with, he had some muscle from working out the last two years with the footie team, but if it would make Robin happy he had to lose weight. So, Harry stopped eating junk food, only drank water, and started making trips to the gym a normal daily thing. But, a week later and he had no results, still just as fat as he was last week, stuck at 155. Harry did the only thing he thought logical, he stopped eating altogether.


	2. Chapter 2

Waking up at 5:30 every morning to an annoying beeping sound was not how Harry wanted to go through his high school years, but, despite that, he got up and padded along the cold wooden floors to the bathroom. His hand reached into the shower turning the cool silver knob, feeling the hot water hit his arm. Harry stepped back stripping of his clothes. As the thin red cloth was tugged over his brown curls and dropped to the ground, Harry ran his fingers gently over the three circles of black, blue and purple, slightly pressing harder just to see how sore they made his ribs. Shaking his fringe out of his eyes and the thoughts of last nights beating out of his head, Harry bended down to rid himself of his plaid flannel pyjamas and green boxer briefs. He cringed at the cool air hitting his pale skin, the room not yet filled with steam from the hot shower that was running.  
After Harry took a fifteen minute shower, that included rubbing one out, he turned the water off and started drying the drops of water off his porcelain skin. Walking out of the comfort of the steam filled room, Harry padded over to the brown dresser and pulled out a dark blue t-shirt that shows off his prominent collar bones then paired it with dark washed jeans. The thought of breakfast crossed his mind but then he remembered "the list" and decided against it. Then he slipped into his white converse, grabbed his bag and headed out the door.   
Harry had never liked school but he never hated it, he was somewhere in between. But, today, he had a twist in his gut telling him that it just wouldn't be a good day. While keeping his eyes on the book he was reading, Harry didn't notice the pole he was about to run into until he felt a sharp pain in the right side of his face, His book was sent flying through the air and his ass sent falling to the ground. The first thing Harry heard was a few kids laughing at him but then there was a voice, almost like a soft whisper, asking if he was okay. He turned his head to see the child like beauty named Louis Tomlinson.  
"Uhh, yeah, I am fine. Thanks," Harry said as he picked himself off the ground.  
"Good. I saw you hit the pole pretty hard. You should watch where you're going," Harry took note of the nervous chuckle Louis put at the end of the sentence.  
"I've always been a clutz, but, yeah, I'll watch where I am going next time," he smiled at the gorgeous boy, thinking the conversation was over.  
"I'm Louis, by the way," the boy stuck his hand out to be accepted by Harry, which he gladly did.  
"Harry."   
Louis had stuck around to walk him to his locker just talking about the classes they had. After Louis turned and walked away to go to his own locker, Harry let his eyes wander down to the round butt of the 18 year old boy. Something Harry didn't understand is why Louis, the most popular kid in school, who also happened to be the captain of the football team, was talking to him. Why didn't he just laugh at Harry like every you else? Soon he was dragged out of his thoughts when he heard the ringing of the bell saying first period was starting. Four classes dragged along before it was time for lunch. Harry chose just to grab a book and go sit under a tree by the outside tables to read.   
"To Kill a Mockingbird," Harry looked up to see a familiar pair of blue eyes.  
"Yeah, i've read it a hundred times but I never get bored of it," he put his dimples on display for Louis.  
"Well, it is a good book! Do you mind if I sit and eat with you?"  
Harry shook his head and Louis took a seat next to him then tries to make small talk about what music and telly shows they both enjoyed. Before Harry knew it the thirty minute break was over and he had to part ways with Louis but, the boy never left Harry's mind. He always had a crush on Louis, but everyone in the school did, and Louis took advantage of that. He had a few notches in his belt and everyone wanted to be the next one.  
Finally, three o'clock comes around and Harry is about to walk out of the old brick building when he heard his name being called, it was Louis.  
"Hey, are you coming to the footie game tonight? There's a party after if you want to go. We can go together. I-I mean like in the same car," Louis' cheeks turned a certain shade of pink that made Harry smile.  
"Umm yeah, yeah, i'd like that, Louis. I'd just have to ask my step dad."  
"Okay, it's a date! Do you need a ride home?"  
Harry nodded and then followed Louis to his car. It was silent for the whole short ride to Harry's house. Harry got out of the car he thanked Louis saying he'd try and see him at the game, then walked into his house to start his Math homework. About two hours later there was a loud thud. Robin was home.   
"Hey, Faggot," Robin drunkenly screamed.  
Harry walked into the living room to show that he had heard him.  
"I'm hungry. Make me a sandwhich," Harry obliged without a single word, bringing Robin his food.  
"Hey, Robin, would you mind if I go out tonight?"  
"Where would you go? It's not like you have any friends."  
"The footie game at school and then a party after."  
"Fine, it's not like having a queer in the house benefits me, anyway."  
With that Harry went back to his room to get ready. He left at 5:30 to make it to the football game on time. It was a longer walk than expected but he finally made it. Harry saw a familiar face of the blonde irishman from his biology class so he went and sat by him.  
"Niall, right? From Mr. Booth's 6th period Biology?"  
"Oi! Yeah! You are Harry, right? The kid who doesn't say much."  
Harry let a laugh out and he thought that Niall might be a cool person to befriend, if Harry befriended people. Soon he realized Niall was a very big footie fan, as the irishman yelled at the ref for calling "shit calls." Harry just laughed at him and they talked about anything they thought of in between plays. After what felt like hours the game ended, Louis had scored the winning goal, the only play Harry actually cheered at, and then he walked over to the home team's locker room to wait for Louis.  
"Haz! You came! Did you see me score the winning goal? I don't mean to toot my own horn but TOOT TOOT," Harry let out a loud laugh and agreed that Louis was on fire.  
"So can you go to the party?"  
"Yeah, the step dad let me off my leash for the night."  
"Oh you in a leash? That's a sight i'd pay to see."  
The two boys walked to Louis' car and then took a short drive to a large two story house with lights that were flashing through the windows and some pop shit music that Harry could hear from inside the car.   
Walking up the pavement leading to the front door of the house Harry realized that he wouldn't know anyone after Louis would leave him and hang out with his real friends, or even worse, hook up with someone. As if Louis read Harry's mind he said, "Haz, don't worry, I won't leave you," to which Harry smiled and nodded his head.  
It seemed like everyone at the party wanted to congratulate Louis on the win or talk to him in general. Harry found it best to go get something to drink. He walked into the kitchen that was littered with red solo cups and alcohol on the island in the middle. Harry just grabbed a bottle of beer and walked out on the back porch. Harry let out a deep breath when the cool air hit him. He looked over to a boy with black hair styled into a quiff smoking a blunt. Harry asked if he could take a hit and turns out the kid was named Zayn. He was known for his "bad boy" persona but after talking to him for thirty minutes or so Harry thought he was quite kind and funny, just misunderstood.  
"Harry? Harry, what are you doing out here," Harry looked up to very smashed Louis.  
"Oh, I was just making a new friend," he explained pointing to Zayn, who waved.  
"Well come back inside. Have another drink."   
"Actually, Louis, I think i'm going to head home."  
"What? No, you can't! Well, that might be a good idea. Take me home," Harry wrapped his arm around Louis' waist guiding him out of the house and to his car.  
After getting lost twice due to Louis' bad directions, they finally made it to their destination.  
"My parents aren't home so why don't you stay over?"  
"That's probably not a good idea, Lou," Harry walked around the front of the car to help Louis out. They walked to the front door, where Harry fought with Louis over the house key, and then up to the older boy's room.  
"Do you need anything else," Harry asked watching Louis strip his jeans and shirt. Seeing the back muscles flex while Louis pulled his shirt over his head.   
"No, but here, a blanket and pillow. Go sleep on the couch, and don't try to leave or i'll never talk to you again."  
Harry just laughed and said okay, tucking Louis into bed like a five year old. He walked out of the room and down the stairs where he put the blanket and pillow on the couch and walked out of the house making sure the front door was locked.  
Harry couldn't stay, staying would be something a friend does and Harry doesn't want any friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So thanks for reading, love! (: xx.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been two whole days since Harry had seen Louis. It had been two whole days since he had replied to one of the seventeen text messages Louis had sent him. It had been two whole days since he thought about anything that wasn't Louis. Harry couldn't understand why he left, why didn't he just stay? Why didn't he wake up and eat breakfast with the boy who he had crushed on for a year. Since the first day school when Harry had seen Louis, he fancied him; not that he thought he had a chance. It was 5:45 Monday morning and he was dreading getting out of the cocoon his plaid green and blue comforter and, maybe, it was only three months into school and, maybe, it wasn't that cold in his house but Harry refused to get out from under the covers. 

Fifteen minutes later he had to sit up, hissing at the wooden floors touching his what use to be cozy feet, and walking over to his bathroom while still wrapped up in his cocoon. Harry finally let the blanket fall to the floor. His eyes started at his chocolate curls that were strewn in every direction, then traveled to look into his own eyes that were emerald green but lost their brightness a few days ago, then to his chest where there was a size 11 bootprint, Robin had stomped on him two days ago when Harry came home at 2am after the party Louis had dragged him to. Finally, his stomach and thighs were in view they were normal, a little flabby but not too big. His tummy poked out a little, like a women four months pregnant and he hadn't worked out in about a year so he had put on a few- 15 - pounds. Two circles inhabited his body, one on his right rib cage, it had been the first blow so it isn't as dark as the second one that had been a kick to his left hip after he had fallen down. The bruises had become something Harry took pride in, well, not pride but he somehow liked them, they are away to tell him that he's alive, that he isn't dreaming and he isn't going to wake up from this nightmare in his mother's arms. 

Shaking his head of his early morning thoughts he started getting ready for school. Wetting his hair so he could tame the curls, it didn't work, he then washed his face and brushed his teeth. Walking out of the dark blue room in only his boxers since he dropped his comforter on the bathroom floor long ago, Harry padded over to the dresser picking out a plain white shirt and the same dark wash jeans as last week.

"Harry."

Turning on his heels after he had put on his brown suede shoes and hearing the voice, "Yes, Robin?"

"Why are you leaving so soon? School doesn't start for 30 more minutes."

"I have to meet a teacher. I'm going to ask for extra credit," the lie slipped from his tongue a little too easily.

"Harry, you know i'm sorry," He knew exactly what the man was talking about. Robin wasn't always mean, just at night when he got drunk, "I know I have a problem and I know taking it out on you is wrong but I just can't do anything. I'm helpless."

"Robin, stop. Please, i'm fine. I know deep down inside you still love me."

Robin just gave Harry a small smile and turned around towards the kitchen. Harry stood there, not able to move, thinking of how Robin use to be, how he use to play football with him and how he would talk to Robin for hours when his mother would work late. Robin was a great father figure to Harry. He still was, it use to be worse, Robin would be drunk everyday all day, now it was just at night now, some days he wouldn't even drink. Harry loved Robin and he knew Robin loved Harry. Robin changed a little for Harry, so he had to love him.

The walk to school took longer than usual. He kicked a few rocks and let out a giggle when his stomach growled. He had been doing good, he hadn't ate anything besides four baby carrots a day for two days, today being the third. Harry had only lost three pounds and he had made walking/ jogging a mile a day a routine. He didn't see a physical change went but he knew that there was something happening to him but he just didn't know what. He soon reached school so he couldn't think about it too long and while getting his science book out of his locker he felt his cell buzz in his pocket.

From: Louis   
i see you.

To: Louis  
Well, hello.

Harry didn't even think to look around for the feathery haired angel, he knew the boy would show himself soon enough.

"Why did you leave me," and there it was.

"I had somewhere to be," Harry shut his locker and started to walk away. Louis followed.

"Where? Why? You are something else, Harry. You have a crush on me for a year and then I try to get you to be my friend and you refuse."

"I don't like you. Not like that," Lying was becoming so easy to Harry.

"Oh, Harry, Niall told me all about how you stare at me," Harry can feel his cheeks heat up. 

"I-I don't think of you like that, Louis. I m-might have glanced in your direction once or twice but-"

"Harry, shut up. Just why did you leave?"

Harry could say a million things. He could tell Louis something that wouldn't hurt his feelings or something that would be nice but he goes with the truth, "I don't want to be your friend, Louis. I can't. I'm sorry, but I don't have, nor want, friends." 

The blue eyes just blinked at the green eyes. Harry could see that that wasn't what the blue eyed boy wanted to hear. Harry could see that Louis wasn't use to getting turned down, let alone hurt. He couldn't stand it, so Harry just turned around and walked away, for a second time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, you lovely person.


	4. Chapter 4

It had been three weeks since Louis had been shot down by his newfound challenge. See, Louis was always great at everything he did; sex, football, school, being a son, and even being an older brother to his four sisters. Louis had never tried something that he wasn't good at and the first thing he failed at was not going to be "being Harry Styles friend." The Doncaster boy hadn't, and wouldn't, give up. He always said "hey" to Harry when he passed him and always tried to get close to the curly haired boy in the four classes they shared but only to get a slight head nod or totally ignored in return. But it was a monday in p.e. class when the teacher had paired the boys up in twos that Louis knew he would make Harry Styles his friend.

"Ok, so, we are going to have practice for the fitness test on Friday. Today we have a short period because of the assembly at the end of the day so, only work on situps and pushups today," the tall and fit black headed man stated in front of about twenty boys, "you will be paired up in twos. When I blow the whistle have your partner count how many sit ups you do. Then we will switch and do the same thing over."

Louis was very athletic but he hated P.E.. It was his second period class so he always got sweaty and smelled musky the rest of the day. He really didn't want to do this but, he really needed to keep his gpa up so he knew he was going to do it and do it well.

 

"Pugh and Payne, Styles and Tomlinson, finally, Wright and Wright. Ok, go get in groups and pick a mat."

Louis sat there for a minute not knowing if he had heard right. The boy who he was trying to get to talk to him for weeks was going to have to talk to him now. Louis felt someone tap him on the back with their foot, "Come on," and then the curly haired boy had his back turned to Lou when he turned around. 

"Kinda strange us getting paired up, right," Louis wanted to hear the boys deep voice again.

"No, it was alphabetical."

It was just as wonderful and manly as he remembers, "but, you have been avoiding me so, it;s kinda weird you just so happen t-to talk to me now," Louis all a sudden got nervous and started fidgeting.

"I haven't."

And with that Louis heard a whistle blow and he started going up and back down, coming close to Harry's face and then getting further away than he prefered. But he was happy. Harry said that he wasn't avoiding Lou. Even if he was, he thought he wasn't. Fifty-seven sit ups later a whistle blew again and the two boys switched places.  
Harry, on the other hand, was far from happy. Not because of Louis but because Robin had gotten pretty drunk last night and given him four huge bruises over his ribs and stomach after he kicked him repetitively. Robin had been getting better though. In the last three weeks he had only gotten drunk six times. He was trying to get better. Harry thought it was because on the ten pounds he had been yoyoing through. He couldn't really tell any changes. And being anorexic wasn't something he could do, so he ate, he just purged. Harry found purging to be something he enjoyed. He had read stories online when he was scared that his first time was going to hurt; it didn't. It was just awkward. He gagged a ton and didn't get much out but three weeks later he could purge a whole meal in less than four minutes. He had a strange amount of pride for how good he had become at it. And it never burned his throat like everyone online said it would. If he hadn't purged in a few days because he fasted then it would give a strange pressure on his chest the first few waves of throw up but he would soon get use to it. The only problem was when he ate noodles or ice cream, those were always harder for him to purge.

"Harry? Harry, are you ok?" He was brought out of his thoughts by Louis shaking his shoulder.

"Yeah, sorry, just thinking," and then the whistle blew. And the sting shot throw his body. But he keep going. And forty-three sit ups later it blew again. After the push ups were done, which was a little easier for him, him and Louis were walking back to the locker rooms to get changed.

"Hey, Harry?"

"Yes, Louis," He raised his eyebrows to the slightly shorter boy even though he was looking at the floor.

"I was just wondering since you weren't avoiding me and since you know I gave you space and stuff if you wanted to hang out sometime," the blue eyed boy finally looked at Harry.

Harry sighed, "Louis, I said I didn't want to be your friend. And at the time I meant it. But i've never had a real friend and I just I was, well, I still am, afraid if we become friends that I will get attached to you and then you will want to leave. I can't risk getting hurt Louis."

Louis didn't know what to say, "Harry, i'm asking to be your friend, not for your hand in marriage."

A smile spread across Harry's face and Louis could see his dimples, "I know. And I sound like such a girl right now."

Louis laughed pretty loud at that, "so, me, Zayn and Liam are all going to play football after school. Do you want to join?"

"I suck at football. I have two left feet. The only reason i use to play was because my uncle was the coach." Louis smiled like he knew Harry was going to say that. 

"See you at three o'clock." And then Louis was gone.

After seeing the boy three more classes and smiling and replying to the "hello"s Louis gave him, Harry was ready to go to the park. Something he had noticed was he got tired really quickly and short of breath. He had read online that it happened to Anorexics but even then it took months and they were small fragile people. Harry wasn't like that. He ate and he hadn't lost that much weight. He was at around 138. He realized that he wouldn't lose weight on the days he ate. He would fast for about a day or two and lose two- five pounds and then the purging would keep him at the same weight. He stopped going to the gym when he found out that he didn't need to. The only thing that showed he lost weight was that his belt could be tighter one hole and the scale. He couldn't see his ribs or backbone or hipbones, he wasn't close to stopping. 

"HARRY! What's up?"

"Hey, Louis."

Harry noticed that the older boy had a childish smile and that was something he had to smile at, "These are my friends Zayn and Liam," he said pointing at the two boys that followed him. Harry smiled and nodded his head. 

"So, boys, are we going to just chat or play some ball," he tall boy with brown buzzed hair asked.  
After the walked the five minute commute to the park the started to play. It was Harry and Zayn, who was equally as bad as Harry, against Louis and Liam, who were both absolutely amazing. 

"Damn, Harry, you really suck," Liam said fondly to Harry. Harry just laughed and shook his head agreeing with the boy.

"Anyway, that was fun but I have to go. And i'm given Liam a ride home so we are out. Bye, Lou. Nice to meet you, Harry," The raven haired boy said. Harry liked Zayn. He was funny and chill didn't really care about too much. And when he took his shirt off screaming that it was "game time" Harry noticed he had an amazing body. He was slim yet muscular and he has cheek bones that were to die for, something Harry might just have to do.

"so, Harry, you have fun today?"

"Yeah, but I have to get home. I'll call you later, ok?"

Harry swore he saw the boy blush. After he got an ok he started to wake away, but this time he looked over his shoulder and smiled. Maybe, Harry wasn't ok with being someone's friend but he wasn't going to get attached so when Louis left him it wouldn't hurt. That night Harry went to sleep without dinner or a beating and he was happy, but he knew it wouldn't last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading(: xx.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soooo sorry it's late!): Plus, i know some fan fictions are triggering, this might be one of them, so if you ever need someone to talk to, i'm right here. And this chapter isn't what i wanted. I wrote in a rush. i am sooo sorry.

Harry hadn't really lost any weight. He was still around 135. And he really couldn't tell a difference in his appearance. But the fact that Robin had stopped hitting him, mostly because he was never home at night and that worried Harry because he didn't know where Robin was going, and the fact that Robin was happier now-a-days when he talked made Harry believe that he was doing good. His step-father had been on the phone talking to different people everyday for a week when Harry got home. Not once did he tell Harry what the phone calls were about, but he did say it was something big and that he and Harry were eating dinner together Friday night.

When Friday came around, Harry basically ran home. He thought, maybe, it was gonna be a gift, like a car or a new house, maybe a puppy. Harry always ask his parents for a puppy before his mother died. But, halfway through the meal, Robin broke the news, and it wasn't a puppy.

"I'm moving to The States," Robin was smiling brightly at Harry, who just stared back at the man. "I am going to a rehab over there. It's cheap and I have a friend to lives close to it, so if I ever need help."

"But-but what about me," Harry's mind was going a mile a minute. Robin wasn't drinking anymore. Why would he need a rehab? Sure, it had been Monday when he last beat Harry but four days was a record for Robin. And, maybe, they could get through the weekend and make it a week. Harry didn't want Robin to leave. He could live with the beatings. They would go away as soon as he dropped ten more pounds, Harry was positive they would stop. His step-father finally loved him, he was fixing himself into something lovable.

"Harry, you are sixteen, you can live here. The house was payed off years ago. Your mom's parents lived here. And I called that coffee shop that your mom's old friend works at and she was over joyed to offer you a job. You know all our old friends were worried after your mom and Gemma pasted. But you can manage. Plus, it's only a six month program, unless I relapse of course."

"But you stopped. You haven't drank in days," tears started to blur Harry's vision but he wouldn't let them fall. He knew Robin didn't like him being a sissy.

The burly man sighed, "Harry," the man paused, "Harry, look at me." Not wanted to anger the man Harry looked up, "I am not going for my drinking. I am going because I've failed at being a father. I have known this is what I needed for a while but until I saw you the other day when I was sober and I saw all those bruises, it hadn't hit me. Now, I know you can survive without a grown man beating you for six months. Harry, I promise I'll come back a better man; a better father."

They sat in silence for a long time. Harry hadn't even taking a notice to how he ate half his food and how it was to late to go urge. He hated himself. He had made the only person in his life leave him and he was fat. He couldn't sit at the table anymore so he grabbed his and Robin's plates and put them in the sink telling Robin that he was going to bed before the man grabbed his arm. 

"Harry, I leave tomorrow, so I can start the program Monday. You start at that coffee shop next weekend. You'll work after school on Tuesdays and Thursdays plus normal shifts Saturday and Sunday. I'm leaving at seven am. Don't plan you being up so I'm going to say goodbye now," and then Harry experienced something he hadn't had in a long time; a hug.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He woke up around ten thirty the next morning. He checked his phone to see a text from Louis but before he read it he remember the dinner last night. Throwing his legs over the bed, Harry ran to his Step-fathers room, nothing. The kitchen, nothing. The bathroom, nothing. Harry fell down in the middle of the living room, hoping it was all a nightmare an that he would wake up and he would find his mother and Gemma in the kitchen making breakfast than he'd get thrown in the air over wide shoulders that belonged to the love of his mother's life. But, atlas, Harry realized it wasn't a dream. He realized that whether he liked it or not he drove that last remaining person in his life away. Putting his long legs under him, Harry got up and went to the bathroom. He brushed his teeth and washed his face. Not to long after his episode, he laid back in bed. While staring at the ceiling the sound of Ed Sheeran singing "Miss You" interrupted his train of thought.

"Hello."

"Hey, curly," the voice was way to chipper for seven in the morning.

"Hey, Louis. What's up?"

"We are going out today." 

Harry really didn't feel like doing anything today. He had just lost the last thing that meant something to him, "No, Lou. Not today. I just want to stay in bed all day."

"Aw, well, i'm coming over then. Text me your address. And don't say no to me, you know I will find you anyway," Despite the fact he didn't want to see anyone, Harry knew that Louis wouldn't take no for answer. So, he ended the call and started typing a text to Louis right away.

Less than two hours later, there was a knock at the door. Harry sighed and got of the comfortable couch to open the door, only to be tackled to the ground by a short brown headed boy.

"Hey, you aren't sick," The blue eyed boy had straddled Harry to make sure he wasn't going to move, "I wouldn't have stopped and got pizza, cookies, soup, ice cream, and cake if I knew you were just being lazy."

Harry's stomach wanted to twist in on itself just think about how many calories were in all that. Even though he was purging, he knew that he couldn't eat all that. He would still gain weight. He just pushed the boy off of him and got up walking back to the couch, mumbling a thanks. Louis got the food from his car and put it in proper places in the kitchen then went to sit next to Harry.

"So, where is everyone," Louis asked looking around.

"My step-dad is making a trip to the states for while, private affairs."

That seemed enough for Louis. And then the older boy asked if the could play FIFA and almost had a heart attack when Harry didn't have it. But they settled for a movie marathon instead. All was okay until Louis' stomach growled. 

"I think i'm going to make a sandwich. Want one," Harry just looked at his friend and said no.

"So, what are we going to do all day?"

Harry really didn't know. He really didn't care, either. He liked Louis, he really did, but at the moment, he wished he would leave. But when the boy came back to sit down with a sandwich as big as his head, all hopes of an early departure were gone. 

It had been a few movies and conversations later and Harry was getting bored. Louis had just messed about the house, poking his nose where it didn't belong. And then Louis got bored too, "Hey, Haz?" Harry only grunted in response, "I think i'm going to head out. It's two thirty and I have to pick Lottie up at a friends house. But I had fun today. Maybe we could do it again, but out in public, and actually doing something funner."

"More fun."

"Yeah-yeah more fun. Right. But I mean like, you know," Louis started waving his hands in the air like Harry should pick up on what he meant. But Harry just stayed quiet and blinked slowly at the boy, "a date."

Harry was taken aback by that. Why would Louis want to date him? Lou could have anyone in school. Why Harry? But when a crease appeared between him eyebrows and he hadn't said anything Louis just assumed he didn't want to be anything other than friends, "Oh God, Harry, I'm sorry is that weird? Should i not have asked? Wait, you are gay, right? I just assumed that-" 

Louis was rambling until Harry stood up, towering over the shorter boy, and walked over to the door, "Sure, Louis. Sometime. But for now, go pick up your sister." 

And then a smile break out upon Louis' face. It was so big that Harry thought the boy's face would rip in two. Louis just laughed and said an 'okay' walking to the door after picking up his things, stealing a kiss from Harry's pale cheek when he walked past the boy. Harry just waved and closed the door. He went straight to bed and slept straight through the night. And did the same the next day. When Monday came Harry was proud of himself going the whole weekend without eating. But he noticed when he was getting ready for school that 'the list' on his mirror would no longer be needed. That with Robin gone he really didn't need to fix himself. But, looking in the mirror after throwing away the crumpled piece of paper he realized something. He didn't want to stop. He thought of all the weight he's lost so far. Why would he want to gain that back? Just because Robin is gone doesn't mean he has got to be fat and ugly. Plus, now he had Louis. And Louis wouldn't still want him if he gained anymore weight, so it wouldn't hurt to stay how he his, A working progress.

Harry made it through the day at school not eating. He went to his science teacher asking for help instead of going to lunch. And he talked to Louis a few times, who told him he had a surprise date planned for Harry on Friday. When he got home, Harry did his homework and watched television and then he started on dinner, Spaghetti and salad. It was delicious, he thought as he washed his hands, turned the radio on and started the shower. Harry got on his knees and looked at the white porcelain bowl that had somehow turned into a good friend to him this last month. It was something that always made Harry feel better, something he could rely on. Harry took a deep breath and smiled. He loved this song he thought as he pushed his two fingers past his lips. Rubbing the back of his tongue, Harry started having waves of vomit spill out of his mouth and into his new found friend. After about three waves Harry started to rub the top of his mouth, playing with his uvula, a few more waves came. Opening a bottle of water Harry brought to the bathroom with him, he chugged the whole thing and started to rub the back of his tongue again. He continued until he was only gagging. His throat was a little rough but the coughing he was doing helped. He flushed his meal down the toilet and smile contently as he saw his dinner go out of sight. He laid down on the cold tile floor taking his shirt of to wipe his mouth with. He liked this, this feeling of control, this feeling of... he wasn't sure. But he could tell right then that even though Robin was gone, he wasn't going back to how he was before, he couldn't, he didn't want to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you read this, thank you so much! It amazes me that i've got 21 kudos, i know it might not sound like a lot, but i was just bored one day and started writing this. So, if you have enjoyed any of this fic, thank you so much. (:


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. And this chapter is very triggering at the end. Also, know, if you ever need someone to talk to, I am here. My tumblr is http://weyheyupthebutt.tumblr.com/ (: stay safe, loves! xx.

Louis woke up on Thursday dreading the thought of getting ready for school. He had three test that day. Louis had study for them and knew that he would pass, he wasn't as worried really, just annoyed. It was 4:10 in the morning and he had only got two hours sleep. Every Monday, Thursday and two Sundays of the month the footie team got together at 4:30 in the morning for a hard practice before school. It had actually been Louis' idea, Three years ago when it was his second year on the team and he had been elected captain. Coach Beales had thought the idea was wonderful. And so did most of the players, most. Louis' first year at school, and on the footie team, had been hard. He was the first openly bisexual, or even gay for that matter, to make the team. The captain at the time had always had it out for the blue eyed boy. If Louis thinks back far enough he can remember the bully's name was Josh. Josh was okay at footie, mediocre at best. The only reason the boy had made captain was because he had a rich daddy that donated to the school like it was his Mistress. Josh would throw slurs at Louis and hit him on the bad days, but he never let Josh get to him. And at the end of the season, Louis had found out why Josh was so mean to him, Josh was in the closet. He was simple jealous that Louis could be so open, so true, to himself and people still like him. After that year, and a make out session between the two, Louis always was turned on but a little hit every now and then, Josh moved to London and started uni. Louis then became captain and everything got better. No one really made fun of him after his first year. This was his last year before Uni and, to be honest, he was scare people wouldn't like him there. Despite his morning thoughts, Louis got up and ready for practice. 

By 4:30 he was at the school, already stretching and waiting for the rest of he team. The first to arrive was a raven hair boy named Zayn, Louis had a crush on him in their 2nd year together. And like always Louis got what he wanted, Zayn and Louis had hooked up a few times, mostly when they were hammered at parties, but the two never decided to date.

"Hey, Tommo. What's up this fine morning," Zayn sat down on the grass next to his friend and reached for his feet.

"Hey, Malik. And nothing much. I didn't get any sleep last night so i'm really tired."

"Well, you won't be sleeping Friday night either," Louis looked over at the raven haired boy and shot him a confused look, "Payne's party, remember?"

Louis had forgotten about the huge party Liam was throwing. It was the first official game of the season after school today. And they had played this team in tournaments before the actually season started so they knew that they would win. Liam had thought it would be smart to start planing a party.

"Oh, I-I can't go. I have plans."

"With who? This is going to be the biggest party of the year. I need my wing man. I haven't gotten laid in," Zayn looked up at the sky and put his pointer finger on his chin, it wasn't like he actually need to think. It had been two weeks, Louis only knew this because his best friend keep complaining on the 'shortage of ass', "Two fucking weeks."

Louis laughed and apologized, saying that him and Harry had plans, at which Zayn cooed at him like they were fourteen year old girls. Soon after a short conversation the rest of the team started showing up. It was a long and hard practice. They focused mostly on running and dribbling, some scoring at the end. Louis had immediately gone to the showers after the practice. The feather haired boy was soon done and standing by his locker, shirtless and water dripping from his hair.

"You look good like this," Louis knew that voice anywhere and he just couldn't help the smile the somehow found it's way to his face.

Turning around Louis saw the curly haired lad he was hoping it'd be, "Well, good morning to you too, love."

Harry smiled, "How was practice? I don't want to sound creepy but I got to school a little bit earlier just to watch you. And lucky for me, you were shirtless."

Louis could feel his cheeks start to burn, "Where has all this sudden confidence come from?"

"Well, tomorrow is our first official date so I thought I should get a head start on treating you like a cute little prince," Harry knew that was a lie, well, not fully, but mostly. Harry had finally reached his goal weight, 127. It was a random number that popped in his head but he was there, none the less. Even though he was happy for himself, it still wasn't enough. He thought he would look different when he finally got here, thought he would look less, well, fat. He told himself he wouldn't make a new goal until after his and Louis' date, so he wouldn't worry as much.

The duo made their way to the school from the field house and made a stop at the cafeteria where Louis purchased a biscuit and Harry denied to get anything. He lied to Louis saying he had already eaten. Something Harry had learned in the last month or so was purging takes it's toll on you. When he started out he ate three meals, he also purged three meals. Purging three times a day was getting to be a hassle, no matter how good he felt after the ache in his knees from kneeling and bashing his leg on the ground when a glop of food were stuck in his throat, along with the ache in his jaw, was throwing of the feeling or accomplishment. 

Soon Harry said goodbye to Louis because they both had to go to class, but not before Louis stole a chaste kiss from the taller boy's cheek. Louis didn't see the boy again before lunch, where Louis sat with Liam, Niall, and Zayn.

"You two are disgusting," Louis stated after five minutes of his two friends cuddle against the tree the were eating under.

"Oh, shut up, Lou. If you were dating someone as adorable as my little leprechaun then you would keep your hands to yourself either," Liam said right before he kissed his boyfriend's forehead, "And Zayn told me you won't be flying solo for too much longer. Harry, is it? The boy we played footie with a while ago, right?"

Louis cracked a smile at the mention of the boys name, "Yeah, we are going on a date tomorrow tonight. Which reminds me, i'm going to have to skip out on your party."

Liam's jaw dropped, "What? No, you can't! It's suppose to be the best party of the year. It's going to be for our first win. Just bring Harry."

"No, I can't. It's going to be quiet and special tomorrow. I'm sorry. I promise to be at the next party."

Liam dropped the subject to move to a more interesting one, "Special, aye? Are you planning to, what do the kids say this days, 'make love'?"

Louis threw a grape at his friend, who's boyfriend just caught the grape in his mouth with ease, "NO! Well, i'm not planning it, but if it happens. What bad could come of it?"

The bell then rang and the foursome cleaned up their trash and made their way back to class. Then five more classes and three more 'Harry encounters' Louis found himself in the field house again getting ready for the game. After taking of his school shirt and shorts about to put on his uniform, Louis felt to long and lanky arms wrap around his waist.

"You didn't say 'good bye' to me at school," Louis loved the deep and raspy voice that Harry had.

"Well, that's because you aren't going any where, right? You are going to stay for the game, right? It is only in a hour," The blue eyed boy turned around to see the green eyes he was longing for.

"If you want me to. I will do anything you want."

"Good, so you are staying," Louis popped up on his tippy toes and planted a kiss onto Harry's forehead.

Harry let out a raspy laugh and sat down on the bench watching the older boy get ready. Harry tried to get Louis to tell him about their date tomorrow but Louis wouldn't tell him anything.

"Okay, love, I have to go with the team and warm up. Niall will be in the stands too. You can sit with him if you want. He is Irish and Liam's boyfriend. He, also, is a huge footie fan and gets very into it, especially if Liam is on his game."

Harry just nodded and gave Louis' cheek a kiss of good luck. Walking out to the stands to find a boy that fit the description of Niall. It was easier to find him than Harry thought. There was a blonde boy that was attached to Liam's lips, Harry assumed that that was Niall and when they pulled apart and the boy scream 'go kick some arse, babe!' in a thick Irish accent Harry made his way over to the boy.

"Hi, I'm Harry. Louis told me that you are his friend and since I don't kn-"

"Oh, you are the special lad that Louis is fancying," Harry was thrown off by the boy knowing about him. He didn't think Louis talked about him.

Harry just nodded and Niall told him to come sit. They talked easily and Harry thought Niall was amazing. He had Harry in stitches and Niall laughed at all of Harry's shit jokes. Then the game began and the blonde hair lad turned into a maniac. He was screaming at the ref for 'shit calls', that were correct calls that just happen to be against Liam, and jumping up and down at every goal. Finally about an hour and a half later the game was over. Louis had scored two goals, along with Liam. Harry and Niall went to wait by the field house, Niall chatting along about nothing. Harry just thought the boy liked his own voice. But as soon as Liam and Louis came out the boy promptly shut up and went to jump into his boy friends arms, kissing him and congratulating him on his goals and the over all win. Harry was happy that they could be so open with their relationship but it did make him feel bad for himself. 

"Congrats, Lou," Harry whispered into Louis' ear after the boy had pulled him into a hug. 

"Thanks."

"So, I have to go. Got homework and stuff," Harry gave a weak smile. 

"Yeah, same. Plus, my mom has to work night shift so I have to go and cook dinner for the girls and put them to sleep." 

Harry would never know how Louis could take responsibility for four little sisters and not be annoyed with his mom, "well, text me tonight, if you want."

"I always want," Then Louis kissed Harry's nose and pulled him into another hug, letting go only after Liam and Niall asked for a ride to Liam's house.

Once he got home Louis cooked chicken fingers and fries. He then got the girls ready for bed and then sent a text to Harry once he got into bed himself.

To: Haz (: 

Hey. Finally got the girls to bed. I shouldn't have let the twins have soda.

Louis turned onto his back, flipping through the channels and settling for some cartoon. 

From: Haz (:

Haha sorry for the struggle, Mr. daddy.

Louis actually laughed at that text. He was beginning to type a response when he got another text.

From: Haz (: 

Shit. That was too weird wasn't it? 

Louis was smiling down at the device and typed out another text, taking a little risk.

To: Haz (:

It's only okay if you promise to be Mr. Mommy. We can be the power couple of the century.

He hoped Harry wouldn't take that in a wrong way. 

From: Haz (: 

Haha okay. Call me Mr. Mommy. But hey, I am so tired i'll talk to you tomorrow, okay? Good night, Mr. Daddy (: xx.

Louis felt his cheeks heat up even though Harry couldn't see him. He typed out a quick good bye and laid his phone down on the bedside table, turning of his t.v. and trying to go to sleep. 

After school the next day, Louis couldn't have been more excited. Today was the day. He and Harry were going on a date. And when he saw the curly haired lad walking to his locker, Louis ran up and hugged him from behind.

"Today is the day! Are you ready?"

"Ugh, yeah, Lou. I got my stuff."

The couple walked out to Louis car talking about how their day had been and Harry asking where they were going. Louis finally snapped and told the boy.

"God, Harry, my uncles lake house. You couldn't just let me surprise you."

Harry's jaw dropped, "A lake?"

"Yeah, it's at The Watermill. A little ways away in Doncaster. About an hours drive"

"Oh my God, Lou. This is amazing. It's so thoughtful," Harry looked like he was about to cry.

"You haven't seen it yet, love. Might suck," Louis laughed as he started the car.

"You don't suck at anything."

Louis put on a cheeky smirk, "I don't think you will be saying that after tonight," and gave Harry a wink.

After Harry's laughs dwindled out, the conversation came easy. They listened to The Fray, One republic, and The Script, they sang at the top of their lungs and laughed when they realized they sounded horrible. And in no time they saw a sign that said "The Watermill."

Getting out of the car, Harry's jaw dropped, "Lou, it's perfect," he said before he kissed Louis on the temple.

Louis grabbed his overnight bag and carried them inside, while Harry looked around. Harry turned around and saw the bag in Louis hand.

"Was i suppose to bring a bag?"

"No, I didn't know if you would like it here or not. I thought if you did we could, you know," Louis looked to the ground, "stay."

"Well," Harry said walking up to the shorter boy, "I love it so much we might have to stay here forever."

Louis looked up to find the green eyed boy just steps in front of him, "Harry, there's something I've wanted to do for a while now."

"If it's not kissing me I don't want to hear it."

Louis smiled and then stepped forward. His eyes flickered down to Harry's lips and then he started leaning in. Harry cupped Louis' neck with his hands, leaning in until their lips were barely touching. Louis smiled as soon as he felt Harry soft lips against his. He pressed his lips fully against Harry's. They were soft but firm, and so plump. Louis started moving his lips, with Harry following suit. Louis was the one to break away after he needed to breath.

"That-that's was great," Louis let out a breath.

Harry just smiled. Louis soon asked if Harry wanted to have a movie marathon and when Harry agreed he went to look under the t.v. at the movie collection. He pick 'Love Actually,' 'Peter Pan,' and 'Grease.'

Louis put in the movie and walked back over to Harry, who was on the couch. He sat in between Harry's legs with his back against Harry's front.

"You don't mind cuddles do you, love," Louis really new Harry was fine with it. He just wanted to hear the boy say it.

"I don't think I have a choice," Harry was a little hesitant but he kissed Louis' lips. 

Louis looked back at the boy and smiled. Then turning his attention back to the screen. And after two and a half movies, Louis heard Harry's stomach growl and the boy stiffen. 

"Hungry? Let's order a pizza," Louis called a little pizza shop in the town about fifteen minutes away, "Okay, love, it will be here by the end of 'Grease'"

Louis resumed his position back on the couch. And started to sing along when he knew the words. He had seen this movie so many times he knew all of the dialogue. But even though he loved this movie, he found himself getting lost in his thoughts, his thoughts about Harry. He couldn't believe that just a few months ago he didn't know this boy. In the few shot years he had learned so much about him. He had learned his favorite everything, from candy to actor, from food to sport star, but he also knew Harry so much he could look in his eyes and know what he was thinking. Louis knew that the green eyes that he could get lost in so easily changed with the boys mood. 

Louis was drawn out of his thoughts by a knock at the door. Louis got up and paid the man and sat it down on the kitchen table, "Come and get it!"

Harry and Louis sat at the bar and laughed at everything. Louis ate three pieces and Harry ate five with two full glasses of coke. Harry was happy that Louis didn't even blink an eye at everything he put in his mouth. 

"Hey, Lou, do you mind if I take a quick shower? I didn't take one last night so.."

"Oh, yeah! Go, you know where the bathroom is. And towels are under the cabinet." 

Harry kissed Louis' lips and he couldn't help but smile. He then walked to the bathroom and got out a washrag and towel, turning on the water. He put the toilet sit up and walked to the sink to wash his hands, making sure that he got his pointer and middle finger on his right hand well. After drying them off and kneeling down in front of his new friend. Harry let his head fall to the right head and then to the left. Cracking his knuckles and twisting his wrist in circles. No matter how many times he does this, he always has to give himself a pep-talk. Taking a deep breath, Harry was ready. His left hand wrapped around the bottom of the toilet, looking for something to grab. His right hand found its way to his plump pick lips and then they found its way to the back of his tongue. He started to rub and then he felt the first wave of his dinner coming up. And then the second and then the third. Harry felt the food get stuck in his throat and he moved his fingers to the roof of his mouth, coaxing from the very back to his uvula. A few more waves and the toilet was looking familiar to Harry. When he was just gagging he knew it was time to do the hardest thing. He reached his fingers even further back in his throat until he felt his epiglottis. He pushed his fingers pasted the flap. He started moving his fingers up and down, his eyes started to water. Harry hate this part, it made him feel like a girl for crying and he couldn't breathe. Finally it got to the put only spit was coming up, no food. Harry got up and started to wash his hands and get the food and spit off his face. Harry flushed his dinner down and took off his clothes, getting in the shower. He sat down letting the water wash over his body. The only two things on his mind was the fat on his stomach he was pinching at and Louis. He just prayed Louis didn't hear him. Harry washed his face, body, and hair then turned of the water, grabbing his towel. He opened the bathroom door.

"Hey, Lou? What do I put on? My dir-," Harry stopped as soon as her saw Louis standing outside of the bathroom.

"You threw up?"


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello, lovely! Thank you so much for reading, you are amazing. I just wanted people to know that it is nowhere in my intentions to "glamorize" eating disorders or make them sound anything but serious. Now, with that said, I personally have never been caught nor know someone with an eating disorder that has been caught so, I don't know how the conversation should go. So, if it seems a little awkward, i'm sorry, I did try my best.

"What," There were a million things running through Harry's mind. Like, how could he have been so stupid, how could he have gotten caught? He knew Louis would leave him, he knew that no one, not even someone as sweet and innocent as Louis, would want to be with someone so messed up. But Harry couldn't lose Louis, not after everyone else has left him. But, in all honesty, he had been preparing for this day since he meet the blue eyed lad. Harry had known the day Louis tried to befriend him that this was a mistake. And, in that moment, with his heart beating a mile a minute, Harry knew he should had stayed away from this boy. 

"I heard you, throwing up, like a little bit ago," Louis looked calm. In Harry's mind that gave him hope that he could play it off. He did eat a ton, maybe, he could just say it was too much and then go eat another piece and keep that down. Maybe, Lou would believe him if he didn't freak out, "Are you okay?" 

"Uh- yeah. Of course, I just think five pieces of pizza is too much. But I hadn't ate all day and I was starved, so. I'm sorry." 

"Oh, Haz. There's no reason to be sorry! You ate too much, right? Happens to the best of us," Harry could see it though, the lie. He knew his friend, he knew when Louis was lying. And his heart dropped into his stomach, he had been caught and everyone knew it. 

The rest of the weekend went pretty well, surprisingly. They went on walks through the woods, by the lake, and to the town a mile or so away. Louis didn't bring up the throwing up incident again, something Harry was thankful of, but he also didn't make Harry eat or ask if he was hungry or ever order food. Harry was the one who would mention food, he would ask Louis if he wanted something and he would be the one to decide what, where, and how much. The curly haired boy knew that there was an elephant in the room. And it was him. 

"I've had fun, harry," Louis looked over at the boy with a smile that put Miss Universe to shame. 

"Me too, love." The cabin was clear of their stuff, which had made it's way to Louis' car. It was late Sunday afternoon and Harry was sad to go home, where he would be alone again. He hated to admit it but he missed Robin. Even if the man beat him, he was someone. Harry just felt so alone in that house, he felt alone everywhere but even more so in the house. Something that Harry had yet to figure out thought was if he and Lou were going to stay friends, or if Louis was just waiting to get home before breaking the news. Maybe, he had been wrong, maybe, Lou had bought the story. 

The car ride home was filled with singing to The Fray and playing twenty questions. Harry was in tears more than once, he hadn't laughed so hard in his life. The three hour car ride back to Harry's house had flown by. He got out of the car and walked to the boot to get his school bag, then walked to the front door with Louis. 

"You wanna know my favorite quote, Haz?" Louis said while playing with their intertwined fingers. Harry just looked to the ground and nodded, "Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it will elude you." 

Harry's looked up with furrowed eyebrows. He was met by Louis staring right at him, ready to meet his eyes, "Stop chasing the butterfly, Haz." 

Harry wanted to cry, he didn't know weather it was because now he was positive Louis knew or because this might be Louis' sick way of saying goodbye. His heart was beating so fast, he could hear it in his ears. Looking down at his shoes, that had suddenly became a lot more interesting, he was just trying to focus on breathing. Finally, after a few seconds, he looked back up. And when green met blue, Harry had to close his eyes. Not being able to bear see everything he was about to lose. 

"I can't even see the butterfly anymore, Lou. It's so far gone. I use to be able to see it, feel it's wings flutter on my cheeks," the tears were evident now, pushing their way through Harry's closed eyes, "and now, I don't even see it. It's like I've been looking and chasing for so long that it's dark out and I don't even know where I am. That butterfly isn't important anymore. I just need to figure out where I am. But I can't and I don't know why." 

Even after he felt Louis' hand wipe away the tears running down his cheeks Harry refused to open his eyes, "I'm sorry," the words hurt for Harry to hear. Those two words are meant to comfort people but they only hurt.

Harry just shook his head, grabbed his bag from the ground, and unlocked the front door, "I had a fun time, Louis." 

Louis gave a weak nod and smiled. Then he walked to his beat up car and drove away. Harry didn't know what he and Louis would become, but he did know that there was ice cream, frozen pizza bites, bacon, cheese sticks, chicken fingers, and candy in the kitchen. And that there was a special friend in the room at the end of the hall he hadn't seen all weekend that he was itching to catch up with. 

The next day Louis woke up at 4:10, he had footie practice. The blue eyed boy hadn't slept that much due to the fact he couldn't stop thinking about Harry. He wanted to help, he wanted to fix him. But Louis had never known anyone with any problem, let alone, an eating disorder. The night before, he had been on the internet searching for anything he could find. Signs and Symptoms of Bulimia, rehab centers, how to confront someone about it, the whole ordeal for him was horrible. It pained Louis to see how people ended up. To think that Harry could be that way made him cry on a few occasions. And after combing through his hair and packing a gym bag full of things he would need to get presentable after practice, Louis walked down stairs, grabbed a banana and a yogurt, then headed off to school.

Harry woke up at 6 Monday morning. He got a shower and then dressed for school. Today was Harry's first day of work. He was grateful that he was going to get some money of his own and if he was working, he wouldn't have to be alone so much. He knew that he had to try and stay away from Louis, he couldn't bear and hear him say that their friendship was over. Not yet.

Remarkably, that was an easy task. Louis smiled and waved every time he saw Harry but never said anything. Louis had even passed him a note in class that said, 'Whenever (or if ever) you wanna talk i'm here. Always will be, love. :) xx.' Harry smiled and nodded at the boy after he read it. Then, the bell rang and school was over. Harry walked seven minutes to the little cafe with a red tarp shading a few tables and chairs that sat out side the building, he was ready for this. The walked in and said 'hello' to everyone and then a man named Nick, who was the manager, told him what to do and how to do it. Nick was attractive and had a slim figure with nice legs. To say Harry was jealous wouldn't even begin to do justice to the situation. But as the day went on Harry grew to like the elder man. Nick was funny and confident, something else Harry admired. 

After the short walk home, then a shower, dinner, and a purge later, Harry went to bed. He was okay, and that was more than he had expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if it was shit and that it was short. I am a horrible person, I know. I might take two weeks to write the next chapter. I just want to make it long and actually have a nice point. Oh, also, sorry if no one got the butterfly thing. It makes sense to me but, then again, a lot of things make sense to me that no one gets so... yeah. Thanks for reading! (: xx.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it is late. Plus, I haven't read it over because my brother is taking the computer away so I don't have time! ): Sorry. As always, thanks for reading, you lovely person you. (: xx.

It had been three days, three sleepless nights, three purges, and three cries later. Harry was ready to talk. It was currently 6:26 pm on Friday night. Harry knew that Louis would be home because there isn't a football game nor a party tonight so, with a burst of confidence, Harry grabbed his phone. 

To: Louis  
Come over? I want to talk. I need to talk.

Harry hit the send button. It was the longest four minutes of his life. And even though he was staring at his phone, when it buzzed in his hands he let out a very girlish shriek. 

From: Louis  
Give me ten minutes, love. (: xx.

Harry smiled at the glowing square in front of him. Then looked around the room and realized he could probably clean up a little bit. Throwing away ice cream pints and pizza boxes, he almost forgot to look at himself in the mirror before a knock sounded from the front door. The curly haired lad frozen, was he really about to talk about this? Was Louis trust worthy? What if someone found out? Shaking his head of the thoughts, Harry walked over and unlocked the door. He was met by blue eyes and a perfect smile.

"Hi," Louis' voice was timid, as if he was too loud he's scare Harry off.

"Hey," Harry gave a small smile, "Want to come in?"

Louis nodded and walked past the taller lad. He found his way to the dark brown leather couch. Harry followed right behind the shorter boy, sitting with a whole cushion between them. 

Harry looked at the boy, "So," Louis raised his eyebrows in question, "I am positive you have questions. I'm sure i'd have some if I was you."

The feathered haired boy let out a sigh and took a deep breathe, "I mean, I don't know. I guess I am just curious to why you do it."

"Well, I don't know. I like it. It started off as needing to lose a few pounds. You know, I thought it would help me. I wanted to lose those few pounds. And soon enough, I did. But by that time this thing had turned into a way to control something, I guess. Everything in my life was crazy and a hell hole and then I found that no matter what goes on around me, the stuff I can't control, I can control that number. I have spent so much time figuring this thing out. I mean, I can, honestly, figure out a plan for a few days, say this weekend, and I can tell you what I will weigh Monday, the exact number. I've never been so in control of something. And, as sick as it is, it makes me happy, I like the tiny bit of pain it gives me. I like the soreness of my throat if I go hard a certain day, I like it, Louis, and I know I shouldn't."

Harry hadn't taking his eyes off of his intertwined hands that sat in his lap. He didn't want to see how the boy who had meant a lot to him would react. He didn't want to see what losing a friend would look like.

"You're killing yourself."

"I'm not stupid, Louis. I know that. I know that this isn't healthy."

"I want you to stop because you're my friend but I can't make you. I promise your secret is safe with me."

Harry looked up at the blue eyed boy who was already looking at him. He smiled and let out a breathe he hadn't known he was holding in, "So, do you want to watch a movie or.."

"There's actually something I have been waiting to do since this weekend," Harry was about to inquire what he was talking about but he curiosity was answered by Louis' lips on his.

It started of as a chaste peck. Louis pulled back just enough to look into Harry's eyes and smile. The curly haired lad couldn't help but feel the butterflies in his stomach.

"You know that butterfly I said I couldn't even see Sunday," Harry looked into the blue eyes right in front of him. Louis nodded but didn't move back any further, "I think its close. I can feel it."

And as if that sentence made all the sense in the world to Louis, he let out a little laugh and connected the two's lips again. Harry started to move his lips and one of his hands found it's way to Louis' left thigh and the other on Louis' right cheek. He then took notice to Louis' hands on his back and one in his curls. Harry then pushed his mate back on the couch so he could straddle his waist. They continued kissing until Harry felt something hard pushing into his thigh. 

Louis let out a long sigh, "Harry, I'm sorry it's just I haven't got laid in a while and I really like you. I can just go into the bathroom and have a wank if you want."

"I can do it for you, the wanking part, if you want." 

Louis' eyes widened and his mouth dropped, "Are you sure, I mean, there's no pressure. I can just"

His speech was cut short by Harry's lips. He felt the curly haired lad's hands travel from his neck, down his chest, and to his waist. Harry unbuttoned the trousers and unzipped them. Louis lifted his hips a bit so Harry could get the material to mid-thigh. Harry started to rub the length through Louis' black pants, feeling the tiny bit of dampness. With his right hand, he reach past the waistband and grabbed Louis' cock. He pulled his head back so he could look at the blue eyes he was coming accustom to. Louis stated to breathe in short pants, his breathe catching when Harry's thumb would graze over the tip and letting out little whines that probably sounds more like a girl than a boy. The speed of Harry's right hand had grown faster than before. He assumed Louis was close when his eyes snapped shut and he threw his head back and he took that as an opportunity to kiss and bite at the boy's neck. 

"H-harry, please. Faster, j-just a little faster."

And that's what Harry did. He also started counting the seconds until Louis came. 37 seconds and still nothing. He had to be close, right? Harry never made it this long when he wanked. Was he doing it right? Sure, Harry was a virgin but he new how to wank. 

"Look at me, Louis. Open your eyes." Louis opened his eyes and pulled his t-shirt up so his stomach was exposed, "Come for me, babe. I wanna see that pretty belly covered in white." And with that Louis came with a shout of Harry's name, which might just be his new favorite sound. 

He keep stroking his mate until his dick went soft in his hand. Harry got up to grab a tissue from the box that stays on the living room table and wiped up Louis' mess. He sat down on the table after he walked back from throwing the tissue into the rubbish bin. Soon the other boy's breathing became normal and he just looked at Harry, a tiny smile playing at his lips. 

"That was, that was nice."

"Thanks," Harry really didn't know how to reply to that but he was embarrassed he settled for 'thanks.'

The blue eyed boy let out a giggle and sat up moving to the space on the ground between Harry's legs starting to grab the button but was stopped by Harry's hands pulling his away, "You really don't have to."

"But I want to. That's how relationships work. A little give, a little take."

"Relationships or friendships?"

"Both. Just depends on which one you want. Personally, the first one appeals to me but, the latter isn't bad either."

Harry smiled and laughed, kissing the boy between his legs, "Ditto."

He moved his hands away from Louis', letting the boy proceed to give Harry his first blowjob, which might be his new favorite activity. 

After, they decided to watch the Shrek movies and cuddle on the couch. Louis had texted his mother saying he would be spending the night at Zayn's. The couple didn't make it to the end of the first movie before they fell asleep in a tangle web on limbs. 

Louis woke up to the clanking of pans coming from down the hall. Letting out a grunt, the boy got off the couch, wincing when he felt a pain shoot through his back. He walked down the narrow hallway, letting his fingers drag behind him on the pasty white walls. He got to the source of the disturbance. He leaned against the doorway looking onto the scene of his boyfriend, or what he thinks is his boyfriend, squatted down looking for a pan. A 'aha' came from the curly haired lad and Louis let out a laugh. Startling the boy who turned around to face Louis.

"You scared me!" 

"Good morning, love. Sorry about the fright," Louis walked over to the taller lad and pecked his nose, "How'd you sleep. My back killed me getting up."

"Yeah, same. That really isn't a sleeping couch. We can stay in my room tonight, if you want," Harry was too busy pouring eggs into a pan to see the sincere smile fall on Louis' face.

"Love to."

They sat in silence while Harry finished cooking. Louis ate the eggs and toast along side a cuppa tea his boyfriend had made. Harry ate 1/4 of an apple and some water. The made jokes and watched movies, even had quite a few snogging sessions, before the even realized it, it was noon and Harry remembered he had to work. He rushed to get ready and told Louis to do whatever he wanted until 6:30, he wanted Louis to be waiting on him when he got home. And with a chaste kiss on the lips, Harry was running down the street. 

Louis decided to go home and get clothes. He told his mother he would be staying at Zayn's all weekend and would be home Monday night. He ate lunch and dinner with his mother and sisters, leaving his home at 6. He got back to Harry's house at 6:24. Harry was running up the driveway as soon as he sat down and turned on the telly. 

"Honey, I'm home!"

Louis raised his eyebrows and had a huge smile when he turned to look at the boy posing with his hands up in the air, "Did you want me to be here when you got home just so you could say that?"

"No, I would have said it whether you were here or not," They both laughed and Harry walked over to hug his boyfriend, "I missed you."

"Oh, Harold, It was only 6 hours."

"So."

Harry went to take a shower and after fifteen minutes Louis had decided to join him. After two blowjobs and to body scrubs later they got out and went straight to Harry's room, getting into bed.

"I'm glad you texted me, Haz."

"Me too. I missed you when we weren't talking. But, we are together now and I'm tired so go to bed, Lou."

The smaller lad buried his face into Harry's neck, kissing the hot skin that he found there and pushed his leg in between Harry's, earning a loud sigh from the older lad. Harry's arms were protectively wrapped around Louis, like Louis was the weak one, like Louis wasn't the one wasting away. But, the fact is, he wasn't, Harry was the weak one. The last thought Harry had that night was how for the longest time he only has felt strong around Louis. Harry feel asleep with a smile on his face and a special boy in his arms and he was happy, again.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, this is a tiny chapter, but I've been going through some stuff and I wasn't in a place to write about this kind of story. I only wrote this chapter so I could get in the groove of writing again. Thank you if you have been waiting for this story. Just know that if you have read or are just now starting, I am beyond grateful. I like writing, even though I'm quite bad at it now, and to think that even one person is reading means the word to me. If you want to talk you know I'm @weyheyupthebutt on tumblr and twitter! Thank you so much again. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

Harry woke up to a beautiful boy and a grumbling stomach. Plus, the urge to take a piss. He tried to move without waking Louis and made his way to his bathroom. After seeing he looked like crap, he used the toilet and then hopped in the shower. He had only just wet his hair when he heard the door open. Harry couldn't help but smile when he saw Louis climb in and cling to Harry like a monkey.

"Why is it so bloody cold?"

"Get under the spray and you won't be so cold, silly."

They turned so Louis could get his hair and body wet, then faced away from Harry so the boy could wash his hair for him. When he was done Harry turned him around and rinsed the soap out of his hair. He grabbed the cloth, put the body wash on it and started to lather the shorter boys body.

"You're so tiny, Louis. Like my own personal doll. Love this body, I'm so jealous that you're naturally beautiful. I could worship this body for days on end, just touch you all the time, these collarbones," Harry placed a delicate kiss onto Louis' collarbones, "These nipples," he starts to suck and bite Louis' left nipple until Louis is making high pitched whines and then Harry moves to the right one. "And, possibly my favorite thing about your body, this cute tummy," Harry made his point by placing a bunch of kissing on his babies tummy.

Harry made his way to Louis' happy trail and pulls lightly on the hairs there with his teeth, making Louis impatiently push down on Harry's head, "Stop being a fucking teased and suck my dick." 

Harry only giggled into Louis' hipbone and the complied with the request. He liked a stripe up the side of Louis' cock and took the head into his mouth. He sucked lightly while swirling his tongue around the tip. He started bobbing his head when he felt a hand pushing on the back on his head, Harry let his mouth be used by the boy he'd give everything to. He had always wanted to try something and he trusted Louis enough, so he pulled off and asked.

"Louis," he had to cough to get his voice back, "Louis, will you fuck my mouth?"

Louis' breathe caught in his throat, "Jesus, Harry. Are you trying to kill me?"

"No," Harry giggled, "This dick is too good to waste at a young age." 

Louis' hand tangled in the back of Harry's hair. Louis looked down asking for permission and got a nod from Harry. The first thrust was gentle, cautious. The second was a little rougher. The third was when Louis actually hit the back of Harry's throat and instead of choking, he moaned. Louis lost control after that. Thrusting harsher and harsher, only to find Harry moaned louder every time.

"Fuck, babe. I'm gonna come. God, fuck. I'm going to come on your face. Mark your pretty face with white. Mark you as mine, yeah?"  
Harry moaned obscenely in response, nodding as much as he could with a full mouth. Six thrust later Louis pulled out and Harry reached up to jerk him off. A few tugs of his cock Louis came with a shout of Harry's name and marked Harry's face, trying to get as much as he could in Harry's mouth and on his tongue that was stuck out. Harry moaned and licked his lips after he swallowed what Louis gave him.

Harry got off his knees and kissed his boyfriend, "Thank you." 

"No need to thank me. You're the one who sucked the dick."

"Not just for that. For making me feel loved."

Louis reached for Harry's hard on and started to tug him as he leaned in and kissed under Harry's ear, "You are. You are beyond loved."

After they got out of the shower and dried off, they went to Harry's bedroom to watch a movie. Louis picked the Iron Man movie. They cuddled and didn't say much, they didn't have to. Harry knew that when he woke up Louis would be there; today, tomorrow and forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading. You are amazing and beautiful. If you have any ideas to how the story could be better, tell me! Also, you can follow me at weyheyupthebutt.tumblr.com, on twitter @weyheyupthebutt.


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